Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
