I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't deserve a penis
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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