But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
