I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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