Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
