Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize