well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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