i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize