Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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