We're facebook friends in real life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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