What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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