dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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