According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
