I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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