Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
