I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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