booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
even my farts smell like vagina
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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