not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
