The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish my penis had an off switch
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
