u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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