still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
