I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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