Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize