in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
