There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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