Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
