dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize