you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
