Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
