if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
