well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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