That's intense
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize