hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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