I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
