omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
