I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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