But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize