Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
