Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
