I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We need a shit load of segways right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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