ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
