i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
