I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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