I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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