Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
