Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
