I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
