we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
