at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
