Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize