just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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