i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
