Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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