Pappa wants mamma naked
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
