Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
