I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
