she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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