I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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