Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
