Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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