dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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