If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
