Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she pinky promised me she was 18
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
