i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
