i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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