Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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