I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
