Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think my vagina is haunted
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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