every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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