I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
