I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
