Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
