He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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