P.S. I can't hear my feet
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize