I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
