Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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