I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize