My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
