Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
