allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize