we're blogging at a bar
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
