oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
