There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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