Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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