Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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