drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
