Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
