HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
