You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
