I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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