You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
