Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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