So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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