I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
