I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
