to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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