My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize