we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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