y did u give ur computer a hand job?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
