Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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