if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
