Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
