just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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