She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
