I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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