The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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