I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
