i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
