i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
