you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
