Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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