I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
