somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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