he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
