There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize