He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont even know how to be here
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
