I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
