I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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